The Exhausted Mother
Nobody ever said that being a mother would be easy… In fact, if we each think back to our baby showers. I’m almost positive that some mothers had a little twinkle in their eyes. They knew what was coming. Our glow and euphoric happiness kept all thoughts of how our lives were about to change, at bay. The restful and relaxed demeanor that we so proudly wore was unknowingly about to be ripped away. And those already mothers knew it…
Now, this is not one of those posts where I go on to say that it’s all bad, so just take a breath. Hear me out…
You see, before becoming a mother, it’s a lot easier to split ourselves between husband, work, and friends. But once that little bundle (or bundles) of joy arrives, there is little we can do to keep anything scheduled really. Our lives have changed dramatically… And what makes it worse is that it’s not a slow change but an overnight one.
We are so busy being obsessed with our precious child/children (don’t lie, we’re all a bit obsessed). That we don’t notice our lives passing us by. We’re in a new phase, a beautiful and most rewarding phase and we cannot see the changes that have taken place.
But if we take a step back and re-evaluate ourselves, there are some of us who would realize that we have lost a measure of who we are (or, at least, once were). We take on the roles of mother, wife, friend, career woman, homemaker, and so on, with new gusto… And, for some of us, the day comes when we wake up and think: “heck, who am I?” Our dreams and aspirations might have fallen to the wayside. And we struggle to remember who we once set out to become…
Again, I’m not saying motherhood is all dark and gloomy. I am saying that it’s such a busy time in our lives (we are so busy putting everyone else ahead of ourselves because that’s what we moms do… and yes it is rewarding), that we are essentially putting ourselves on the back burner.
Now, this can come in many different shapes and forms. Some of us might stop socializing, we might turn down a new job offer, or never wear makeup again, etc, etc… I think if we all look deeper we will find a few things that we’ve set aside in the name of being better wives or moms. However, does it make us better mothers, partners, and friends?
Or just the exhausted mother?
Everything around us is essentially taking a piece of us… except us! Why on earth do we do this to ourselves? Maybe if we focused on ourselves, just every now and again, we wouldn’t end up dealing with frustration, resentment, depression, loneliness, and so on. There is a LOAD that needs to be dealt with each day, it’s true… But If we have the time to do everything else, then maybe, just maybe, we can find the time for ourselves.
I had a hard conversation with myself about this a little while ago (yes, I do talk to myself). And I think it’s high time that we mothers pay attention to ourselves. Not because we are more important than our husbands or children, but because by paying attention to ourselves we will be BETTER wives, mothers, friends, and professionals.
Because, in the end, we will feel fulfilled in the deepest sense. If we are happy and at peace with who we are, we are better able to fulfill our beautiful roles. By the way, we don’t have to be mothers to do this, we women, in general, need to take a deeper look at what we have lost sight of.
How do we do this?… In my next blog post, I will focus on the 4 things that I do to not lose sight of who I am… And I hope it might encourage you. So keep a lookout if you are interested in hearing more of this story.
Did you enjoy The Exhausted Mother? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
This is so true! I don’t tend to pay attention to myself much these days – other than getting my laptop out and writing which I class as relaxing! I realised the other day that I’ve lived in my house for 14 months now and NEVER had a bath! What’s that all about?? #ItsOK
Well, I hope you get some quiet time and climb into that damn bath with a glass of bubbly!
Beautifully put Jacqui. I absolutely loved reading this post! (and also super-glad I’m not the onnly one who talks to myself!) #ItsOK
Oh, on a daily basis, my husband even knows the facial expressions too… :) He will say, can I join your private conversation! :)
This is a FABULOUS post, Jacqui. It’s so true, we get so engulfed in motherhood that we forget who we are or were prior to becoming mums. We sometimes even tend to forget we’re wives! But it is SO important to take care of ourselves because as you said, that makes us BETTER mums/ wives/ friends/ etc. Love this post, motherhood is indeed a Mother LOAD!
Well said my friend … well said. Thanks for the reminder.
This is so true, I’m last in my own list of priorities! It’s not something I intended to do but I’ve slowly dropped all none essential pieces of what makes me Emma but kept everything that makes me ‘Mummy’! #itsok
You have hit the nail on the head, it is not intentional, it just happens!
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