Parenting is hard
Blog Posts,  Family

Motherhood Isn’t Perfect, So Why Do Some Parents Pretend It Is?

I’m about to have a little rant, discussion (on motherhood)… I hope you don’t mind!

The fact that some people think parenting can be perfect, baffles me! Seriously, it does.

I read a post on Facebook the other day, which clearly stated that any mom can go shopping in peace, have enough good sleep, doesn’t need to cook with a baby in one arm and that a mother can even go to the toilet without disruption, and mothers who lament that they never have a moment’s silence, where buying into nonsense, and bullshit! Yup, it said that!

This post basically said that mothers can do life without ever being disrupted? hmmm! I read this in utter disbelief. I don’t care if you have one child or 5 (like me)… There are times when NOTHING is peaceful. Yes, NOTHING!!!

I’m not saying that parenting isn’t amazing, or rewarding, or incredible! Or that mothers and fathers aren’t the best things since sliced bread. However, the reality is, that parenting is hard. FULL STOP!

For another mother to make such a bold statement is INSULTING and presumptuous. Just because she might have a child that sleeps through the night, eats any and every food, and NEVER has a meltdown doesn’t mean that parenting is perfect! It just means that she is one hell of a lucky mother to have such an easy going child. Let me just state for the record, that NONE of my 5 children have ever done all of the above.

Does that make me a bad parent? Hell no! It makes me a REAL parent.

Did the mother who posted that, ever stop to think that each child is different, having different temperaments and characteristics? That circumstances for other families might be far different from her own? That there might be a parent who needs to work late in order to bring home an income and therefore the child might be anxious, and clingy, maybe even whine all afternoon?

What about the single parent that needs to cook dinner but has a crying child by their side, would they dare pick that child up whilst they are cooking dinner?

Or the child separated from their parents for their own safety. Gosh, please don’t say that child cries or has emotional meltdowns. I mean, parenting is perfect, right?

What about the adoptive parent that is trying to guide their child through feelings of abandonment. Is that child not allowed to be distressed?

By writing such an unthoughtful statement, she just made (and I’m projecting here) 80% of the parenting population feel like shitty parents.

The reality is, we all have moments when our children won’t sleep. Or they have a rough day (just like we do) and need to cry it out. When they are frustrated and lash out, or when they constantly follow us to the toilet or kick us in the face when sleeping in our bed.

Yes, as parents we might need to vent in our exhaustion. There is nothing wrong with that, but, if you have the “perfect” child, don’t make the rest of us feel like failures. That’s just not OK.

Our experiences are our own, and I am truly happy that this mother is experiencing that perfection of parenting, but don’t take away from my experience.

Think before you speak!

So, to all the parents out there who are exhausted, trying to raise their children as best they can. I’m rooting for you!! We just need to keep loving them through their bad days, just as they love us through ours.


  • Poe

    Preach it girl! Being a mom is hard work. Some days, I’m lucky enough to get a few minutes to pee alone. I think the perfect days are fewer in number than the harder ones, but so worth it! I always make sure I take a few moments to watch him sleep because I forgive him then for all the drama lol!


  • Spirited Mama

    Oooh, this is just not on! I too am a REAL parent. Yes my kids have great days BUT they also have kak days. Last night was Troll’s turn. I am falling asleep at my desk right now because my sleep was disrupted ? thanks for the enlightenment J ❤ people have very very different opinions and when I see “parenting perfection” I want to slap someone?like come live in my world person x

  • Tubbs

    If that’s the FB post I think it is, mummy is very new to the parenting game … She will learn the hard way that things are not so neat and tidy as baby gets bigger. And look back in horror at post like this.

    Whilst I don’t do much in parenting advice, I’m adding another one to my list. Just share photos of the new one. Keep your opinions to yourself until you’ve been round the block a bit. It’ll save you a) alot of embarrassment when you realise how off the mark you were and b) everyone else the bother of calling you out on it. 🙂

    I’m so grateful that I got all my parenting know it all ness out of the way before social media so it’s not recorded for prosperity!

  • Laurie

    I am with you 100%. When my boys were little, I didn’t get to pee by myself for YEARS!!! Now, my dog barges in when I try for some privacy, but that’s another story.


  • Fi Anderson

    I think posts like the one you describe instill in new mums that they’re failing because these perfect parenting lifestyles just don’t exist! We see so many more women suffering from PPD than we did 10yrs ago and social media is partly to blame. Unrealistic lifestyles can really damage one’s mental wellbeing #GlobalBlogging

  • Nick Holland

    Whenever I see parents like this whose lives seem to be perfect with perfect kids, I just tell myself that they are really good at hiding it. Helps get me through some of the tougher parenting days. I also like to think that when parents are having a tough time in public that there is an unspoken bond between any other parents who are present. We have all been in that situation. #globalblogging

  • John Adams

    Well, if you’ll forgive me for saying so, you are reacting to a comment made on that most fickle of channels: Facebook. That said, I find that statement to be utter rubbish for a huge variety of reasons, not least because it doesn’t even mention fathers. If you’re going to accuse mothers who have a hard time of simply whinging, then I INSIST that you question fathers as well (I have a biased opinion, I am essentially a stay at home dad). Any parent who hasn’t doubted themselves, had a bad day or had a tough time is not being honest with themselves. #thatfridaylinky

  • Sophie

    That crazy! Every child is different just like every parent is different and we all just trying to get by each day! I hate these types of posts too as it might make someone feel inadequate and feel like they are failing. We all need to support each other and tell it as it is! Tricky, messy, tiring, amazing, annoying, funny and most of all an individual journey. Thanks for the rant! #thatfridaylinky

  • Noleen Miller

    There is no such thing as a perfect parent. I think people strive to be perfect in a non-perfect world. It’s time to let the guard down. No matter what we all doing our best in raising our kids #globalblogging

  • Helena

    Parenting certainly isn’t all sunshine and roses and nor is it perfect. Heck there’s not even a one size fits all cookie cutter for parenting. #GlobalBlogging

  • Louise Pink Pear Bear

    The sad thing is that new mums can see these and feel awful that they are getting it ‘wrong’ and it can be detrimental to mental health and well being. A good dose of reality like this is so important. Thanks for linking up to the #bigpinklink this week.

  • Soffy

    Oh whoever wrote that is lying through her teeth! Parenting is not easy, it is hard work but it seems as if though some have difficulty accepting that it’s hard work! Ridiculous! #BlogCrush

  • Lucy At Home

    Ughhh! What a ridiculous thing to say! As you say – all children are different and all families have different circumstances. It sounds like she’s missing out on what parenting is if she never has to do any of these things.

    And your post obviously made a lot of sense to someone because they added it to the BlogCrush linky to give it some extra exposure. Congratulations! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush

  • Helen Copson

    Ooh that makes me angry. I hope you deleted her! Nobody is perfect, no kid is perfect and no parent is perfect. We’re all just doing our best and trying to get through the day however many children you have, and however old they are. I bet you she is totally lying! #ItsOK to not be perfect, just be real!

  • Nicole - Tales from Mamaville

    Love this post Jacqui. Parenting is THE hardest job in the world – besides being full of emotional upheavals and ridden with guilt, it is 24/7, exhausting, unpaid (in monetary terms though the cuddles and love sure make up for it) and often quite relentless. But that is REAL life and a big finger to those mums and dads who claim that it’s all rose-tinted.
    Lovely to have you co-host the #itsok linky with us…

  • Tracey Carr

    Absolutely brilliant Jacqui – I am so glad you wrote this. I feel so fuelled from reading it. Like you say we are all just trying to do our best and anyone who judges or claims they have it perfect, well what I always tell myself is ‘appearances can be deceiving’….Thanks for speaking up for all of us imperfect mamas! #itsok

  • Caroline Freathy

    Well said. What a stupidly infuriating thing to say about motherhood. Of course it’s not perfect! The hours to lack of pay (none!)ratio is shocking, the sleep deprivation is awful, the bed-sharing means I woke up with a third of a pillow this morning and tried to kid myself for an hour that I could rest like that (because for only the third time ever since having three kids they all slept through the night!) cooking a 20 minute meal turns into a 2 hour extravaganza with three third, hungry children in tow, so no it is absolutely not perfect, but whilst the tasks of being a mother are imperfect, being a mum to my three is the best thing in the world (but we are allowed to want to go to the toilet in peace!!!) xxx #itsok

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