Motherhood Isn’t Perfect. I’m about to have a little
rant, discussion (on motherhood)… I hope you don’t mind!
The fact that some people think parenting can be perfect, baffles me! Seriously, it does.
I read a post on Facebook the other day, which clearly stated that any mom can go shopping in peace, have enough good sleep, doesn’t need to cook with a baby in one arm and that mother can even go to the toilet without disruption, and mothers who lament that they never have a moment’s silence, where buying into nonsense, and bullshit! Yup, it said that!
This post basically said that mothers can do life without ever being disrupted? hmmm! I read this in utter disbelief. I don’t care if you have one child or 5 (like me)… There are times when NOTHING is peaceful. Yes, NOTHING!!!
I’m not saying that parenting isn’t amazing, or rewarding, or incredible! Or that mothers and fathers aren’t the best things since sliced bread. However, the reality is, that parenting is hard. FULL STOP!
For another mother to make such a bold statement is INSULTING and presumptuous. Just because she might have a child that sleeps through the night, eats any and every food, and NEVER has a meltdown doesn’t mean that parenting is perfect! It just means that she is one hell of a lucky mother to have such an easy-going child. Let me just state for the record, that NONE of my 5 children has ever done all of the above.
Does that make me a bad parent? Hell no! It makes me a REAL parent. Again, motherhood isn’t perfect.
Did the mother who posted that, ever stop to think that each child is different, having different temperaments and characteristics? That circumstances for other families might be far different from her own? That there might be a parent who needs to work late in order to bring home an income and therefore the child might be anxious, and clingy, maybe even whine all afternoon?
What about the single parent that needs to cook dinner but has a crying child by their side, would they dare pick that child up whilst they are cooking dinner?
Or the child separated from their parents for their own safety. Gosh, please don’t say that child cries or has emotional meltdowns. I mean, parenting is perfect, right?
What about the adoptive parent that is trying to guide their child through feelings of abandonment. Is that child not allowed to be distressed?
By writing such an unthoughtful statement, she just made (and I’m projecting here) 80% of the parenting population feel like shitty parents.
The reality is, we all have moments when our children won’t sleep. Or they have a rough day (just like we do) and need to cry it out. When they are frustrated and lash out, or when they constantly follow us to the toilet or kick us in the face when sleeping in our bed.
Yes, as parents we might need to vent in our exhaustion. There is nothing wrong with that, but, if you have the “perfect” child, don’t make the rest of us feel like failures. That’s just not OK.
Our experiences are our own, and I am truly happy that this mother is experiencing that perfection of parenting, but don’t take away from my experience.
Think before you speak!
So, to all the parents out there who are exhausted, trying to raise their children as best they can. I’m rooting for you!! We just need to keep loving them through their bad days, just as they love us through ours. Let me know in the comments what you think about this post – Motherhood Isn’t Perfect.
Any parent that claims they can do evrything without any stress or problems is lying to you, themselves or both.
Preach it girl! Being a mom is hard work. Some days, I’m lucky enough to get a few minutes to pee alone. I think the perfect days are fewer in number than the harder ones, but so worth it! I always make sure I take a few moments to watch him sleep because I forgive him then for all the drama lol!
That is such a special time for me, it’s also when I forgive myself for maybe being a little of a hardass mom during the day :)
Oooh, this is just not on! I too am a REAL parent. Yes my kids have great days BUT they also have kak days. Last night was Troll’s turn. I am falling asleep at my desk right now because my sleep was disrupted ? thanks for the enlightenment J ❤ people have very very different opinions and when I see “parenting perfection” I want to slap someone?like come live in my world person x
If that’s the FB post I think it is, mummy is very new to the parenting game … She will learn the hard way that things are not so neat and tidy as baby gets bigger. And look back in horror at post like this.
Whilst I don’t do much in parenting advice, I’m adding another one to my list. Just share photos of the new one. Keep your opinions to yourself until you’ve been round the block a bit. It’ll save you a) alot of embarrassment when you realise how off the mark you were and b) everyone else the bother of calling you out on it. :)
I’m so grateful that I got all my parenting know it all ness out of the way before social media so it’s not recorded for prosperity!
I know, I try very hard to keep my thoughts to myself. I just couldn’t help writing this post though. :)
I think she is deceiving herself! Parenting is challenging and far from perfect.
The FB post is a load of nonsense. Parenting is the most rewarding because it is not easy. #globalblogging
Yup! I hit unfollow, to be honest. I don’t have the time for the drama!
I am with you 100%. When my boys were little, I didn’t get to pee by myself for YEARS!!! Now, my dog barges in when I try for some privacy, but that’s another story.
Haha! Never a moment alone!
I think posts like the one you describe instill in new mums that they’re failing because these perfect parenting lifestyles just don’t exist! We see so many more women suffering from PPD than we did 10yrs ago and social media is partly to blame. Unrealistic lifestyles can really damage one’s mental wellbeing #GlobalBlogging
I couldn’t have said it better! You’ve hit the nail on the head!
The title says it all! Motherhood isn’t perfect! No wonder so many mums have low self esteem or compare themselves to others. #bigpinklink
I think the sooner we realise that the better we are able to understand that we are human and so is our parenting. x
To say this way of life with a baby is possible is wildly optimistic. Hope is a wonderful thing but as you say this isn’t kind.
Whenever I see parents like this whose lives seem to be perfect with perfect kids, I just tell myself that they are really good at hiding it. Helps get me through some of the tougher parenting days. I also like to think that when parents are having a tough time in public that there is an unspoken bond between any other parents who are present. We have all been in that situation. #globalblogging
Well, if you’ll forgive me for saying so, you are reacting to a comment made on that most fickle of channels: Facebook. That said, I find that statement to be utter rubbish for a huge variety of reasons, not least because it doesn’t even mention fathers. If you’re going to accuse mothers who have a hard time of simply whinging, then I INSIST that you question fathers as well (I have a biased opinion, I am essentially a stay at home dad). Any parent who hasn’t doubted themselves, had a bad day or had a tough time is not being honest with themselves. #thatfridaylinky
Appearances are so dear to us, but reality is so much better (and more healthy!).
Parenting is a hot mess sometimes and we have to go day by day. I don’t get why people act like they’re perfect at it. I know I’m not.
That crazy! Every child is different just like every parent is different and we all just trying to get by each day! I hate these types of posts too as it might make someone feel inadequate and feel like they are failing. We all need to support each other and tell it as it is! Tricky, messy, tiring, amazing, annoying, funny and most of all an individual journey. Thanks for the rant! #thatfridaylinky
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. I think people strive to be perfect in a non-perfect world. It’s time to let the guard down. No matter what we all doing our best in raising our kids #globalblogging
Parenting certainly isn’t all sunshine and roses and nor is it perfect. Heck there’s not even a one size fits all cookie cutter for parenting. #GlobalBlogging
The sad thing is that new mums can see these and feel awful that they are getting it ‘wrong’ and it can be detrimental to mental health and well being. A good dose of reality like this is so important. Thanks for linking up to the #bigpinklink this week.
In my opinion there is no perfect parents or ways to parent. Its all stigma #BlogCrush
Oh whoever wrote that is lying through her teeth! Parenting is not easy, it is hard work but it seems as if though some have difficulty accepting that it’s hard work! Ridiculous! #BlogCrush
Ughhh! What a ridiculous thing to say! As you say – all children are different and all families have different circumstances. It sounds like she’s missing out on what parenting is if she never has to do any of these things.
And your post obviously made a lot of sense to someone because they added it to the BlogCrush linky to give it some extra exposure. Congratulations! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge :) #blogcrush
Ooh that makes me angry. I hope you deleted her! Nobody is perfect, no kid is perfect and no parent is perfect. We’re all just doing our best and trying to get through the day however many children you have, and however old they are. I bet you she is totally lying! #ItsOK to not be perfect, just be real!
Love this post Jacqui. Parenting is THE hardest job in the world – besides being full of emotional upheavals and ridden with guilt, it is 24/7, exhausting, unpaid (in monetary terms though the cuddles and love sure make up for it) and often quite relentless. But that is REAL life and a big finger to those mums and dads who claim that it’s all rose-tinted.
Lovely to have you co-host the #itsok linky with us…
Absolutely brilliant Jacqui – I am so glad you wrote this. I feel so fuelled from reading it. Like you say we are all just trying to do our best and anyone who judges or claims they have it perfect, well what I always tell myself is ‘appearances can be deceiving’….Thanks for speaking up for all of us imperfect mamas! #itsok
Well said. What a stupidly infuriating thing to say about motherhood. Of course it’s not perfect! The hours to lack of pay (none!)ratio is shocking, the sleep deprivation is awful, the bed-sharing means I woke up with a third of a pillow this morning and tried to kid myself for an hour that I could rest like that (because for only the third time ever since having three kids they all slept through the night!) cooking a 20 minute meal turns into a 2 hour extravaganza with three third, hungry children in tow, so no it is absolutely not perfect, but whilst the tasks of being a mother are imperfect, being a mum to my three is the best thing in the world (but we are allowed to want to go to the toilet in peace!!!) xxx #itsok
Reading this while having yet another showdown trying to get the youngest to go to sleep – today I am not winning so I enjoyed reading this! #itsok
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