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Overcoming Feelings of Un-appreciation.

Whether you stumbled upon this post by chance or arrived here through my series, know that you’re in the company of a good friend.

There are seasons in life when our efforts go unnoticed, our kindness is accepted but not acknowledged, and words like “thank you” or “I appreciate you” become rare. In these moments, we may feel as though our actions lack meaning—that who we are and what we do hold little value.

Maybe you’re in one of those seasons right now.

Sometimes, we wear a smile for the world while, deep down, we just want to scream. If that resonates with you, I invite you to join me on this journey toward reclaiming our sense of worth.

Recognizing the Signs of Feeling Unappreciated

Before we can address these feelings, we must first identify them. Here are some common indicators:

  • Feeling invisible to those closest to us.
  • Sensing that our absence wouldn’t really matter to others.
  • Staying in a role, environment, or relationship out of habit rather than fulfillment.
  • Hearing “I’m too busy” and interpreting it as an excuse or dismissal.
  • Always being the one to maintain the connection.
  • Resenting others for not reciprocating our efforts.
  • Feeling like we are constantly giving without receiving.
  • Viewing ourselves as an intruder on someone’s time, attention, or skills.
  • Questioning whether we truly add value to someone’s life.

These feelings, if left unchecked, can lead to emotional exhaustion or even depression. Recognizing them is the first step toward regaining control.

Taking Control of Our Feelings

So, how do we cope with feeling unappreciated?

1. Communicate Your Feelings

People may not realize how we feel, especially if we mask it well. Instead of bottling up resentment, take a bold but kind step in expressing your emotions. Losing your temper or demanding appreciation rarely yields the response we hope for. Instead, engage in open, honest, and thoughtful conversation—giving the other person the opportunity to clarify their intentions and affirm their gratitude.

2. Define Your Own Worth

If our sense of self-worth depends on others’ recognition, we place ourselves on shaky ground. The value of our actions should be rooted in who we are, the principles we uphold, and the meaning we derive from what we do—not in whether someone acknowledges it. Appreciation should be welcomed, not required.

3. Cultivate Self-Confidence

True confidence doesn’t stem from external validation. It comes from knowing that what we do matters—not because others say so, but because it aligns with our values. When we take pride in our actions for their own sake, we remove the need for constant affirmation.

4. Seek Support When Needed

Sometimes, we need help navigating these emotions, and that’s okay. Whether through a trusted friend, mentor, or professional, finding an unbiased perspective can be invaluable in processing our feelings and regaining emotional balance.

5. Assess the Relationship Dynamics

Feelings of unappreciation often emerge within relationships. Yet, not all relationships are meant to be permanent. Aside from family bonds (which require special consideration), we sometimes hold on to connections long after they have run their course. If a relationship consistently leaves us feeling undervalued, it may be time for honest reflection: Is this a space where we can truly thrive? If not, letting go—even when difficult—might be the healthiest choice.

Shifting Our Perspective when Overcoming Feelings of Un-Appreciation

While feeling unappreciated is not our fault, we do play a role in how we respond to it. Here are two powerful ways to shift our perspective:

1. Reassess Our Expectations

Are we misinterpreting someone’s lack of expressed gratitude? Have we overlooked moments when appreciation was shown but in ways different from what we expected? Giving others grace in this area can prevent unnecessary frustration.

2. Practice Appreciation Toward Others

Ironically, one of the best ways to combat feeling unappreciated is to express appreciation ourselves. Genuine gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what we recognize and value in others. This, in turn, fosters deeper, more meaningful connections.

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” — Voltaire

At the end of the day, appreciation is a gift—not an entitlement. But even when it isn’t given freely, we can still find deep fulfillment in knowing that our actions, our kindness, and our efforts matter—because we choose to make them meaningful.

PS. I am not a psychologist. If you are experiencing what you think may be depression. Please contact someone immediately!