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Today, I Wished I Wasn’t a Parent!

Today, for just a moment, as I watched the chaos unfold around me, for one single minute… I wished I wasn’t a parent.

My pre-parent days flashed before my eyes, and I longed to be able to travel back in time, even if just for a moment, to revel in the peace and quiet. To become again the organized, more in-control “me”.

I heard the first cry at 11:30pm, and these fitful screams continued every hour (on the hour). Until Mr B decided that this was clearly a lost cause and got up at 3:00am (Bless him), and took the zoo downstairs to watch a movie. I obviously fell back into a deep sleep… Because I woke up with a start when my alarm went off at 6:00am. And, soon after, a blonde haired cutie asked if I wanted some tea!

Had the nightly reign of terror come to an end?

Nope! As I slowly descended the stairs, I could hear it all too clearly! The chaos continued, each one bickering about something: Daisy, especially, was screaming as if she’d been pinched (by an enormous crab, on her inner thigh – seriously, that’s how loud she was). For some reason this has been the pattern in our house for the last couple of days. Bickering, screaming, fighting between themselves. I know I am pregnant, but all I want to do is grab a bottle of good Merlot, find a corner to hide in, and drown my misery!

It’s as if my children have disappeared and been replaced with annoying little gnats! Yes… I just said that! Long painful and excruciating days. Bearing in mind that my body has been taken over by Bester #5, my hormones are through the roof, and I am EXAHUSTED! Like I have never felt before. Seriously. A white padded room would be a luxury right now. (No offense intended with that comment – so don’t get your knickers in a knot now.)

And in this “What The Hell Is Going On In My Home” moment. I silently slipped away for just a second. Just a second. That’s not bad? Is it? I am human after all!

I saw this clip by Kristina Kuzmic  the other day. It sure did come at the right time! I even posted it to my Facebook page.

Yes, for one brief moment I stepped into an abyss. The dark side of parenting, perhaps. But that was all shattered when a sweet little 2 year old grabbed my leg and, with that gorgeous little smile of hers said, “morning my mommy”.

Yes it’s hard, but we do the best we can, and on those dark and exhausting days we just need to remind ourselves that we are indeed GOOD ENOUGH!

With love

One Messy Mama


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  • Tracey

    Love the video! Unfortunately as parents we are gonna have those days where we wish we could disappear to a far away land where we can have peace but we know as soon as we get there we’re going to miss the kids and wish they were with us! lol

  • Katy

    Hang in there, and know that all of us have visited the dark side. And come back. It’s hard sometimes and I think it’s good to share that it’s hard sometimes. We need to know that so we don’t beat ourselves up too badly. Hope today, this hour, even this minute is better for ya!

  • Kirsty - Winnettes

    I have this day more often than I care to admit. I often look back to my non parenting days and think ‘what if’. I like to think its normal, a normal reaction to the exhaustion and daily attitude of my kids but perhaps I’m just trying to persuade myself I’m not a monster. Everyone needs to have a break every now and again. Even jobs have annual leave and finishing times… Not parenting though!

  • Nige

    Great post on I have been there it’s tough but then as they do your two year old melted your heart I bet thanks for hosting and featuring me

  • Brandi with BigFitFam

    These are moments that no one likes to admit to but that happen to EVERY mom. We all get overwhelmed and under rested, we can’t help but get tired of the fighting, the constant need for SOMETHING from mom….hang in there. this too will pass….but it will probably show up again sometime, so just remember what an awesome mom you are and how amazing those kids can be…sometimes 🙂

  • Tee

    Ahh this has echoed my nights for the last few nights, although admittedly they haven’t continued for as long and I haven’t had to do it whilst pregnant so I really do feel for you! #globalblogging

  • Kat

    There are days were parenting really bloody sucks! At a conference I attended over the weekend, one of the panelists said “Everyone knows kids are arseholes” and excuse my language but she was right! However, they can also melt your heart in an instant #globalblogging

  • Josefine

    We are good enough! And it does not make us bad parents for sometimes wishing ourselves away, it just makes us human! I too am a planner and omg my little one, at only 9 months, tests me and my need for control on a daily basis. Wouldn’t trade it for the world though, cus as stressful as it can be, nothing beats his little smile and that laughter! Love him to bits even if I never get a full nights sleep, like ever 😛

  • Mrsmummyharris86

    We’ve all been there haven’t we? The days where it’s been a rough night and the next day doesn’t get any better. Those are the days where the good days need to be remembered.
    When I want to walk out the door and leave ben on his own I look on my phone as I have a few little videos that make me smile even when a naked David Beckham wouldn’t make me grin.
    Let’s just hope tomorrow is a better day #globalblogging

  • the frenchie mummy

    I have days like that too and Baba is only 10 months lol. Today was like that as he is still teething and decided that he would have no nap LOL I am exhausted. But then he laughs or giggles at me and I totally forget about not being a mummy! Soppy me hahaha #GlobalBlogging

  • Topfivemum

    It’s so tough when you’re pregnant and knackered, as if parenting itself isn’t knackering enough. I’ve had my fair share of days like these, today being one of them. My 6 month old has me up in the night every night (twice) still and my (24m old) daughter decided not to nap at all today. I really should be in bed right now, but sometimes doing my blog and linking up with other bloggers in the late hours is what keeps me sane and human. Hang on in there lovely. #GlobalBlogging

  • Lisa Pomerantz

    This is a true right of passage…you have made it to the other side and we are here to greet you. We who often feel this way. You dear mama, are perfectly normal, albeit special! The decibel levels they can reach causes this natural reaction…it’s science really, they just didn’t teach us this cause and effect theory in school — perhaps they should have… Hmmmm #GlobalBlogging

  • Louise

    Sometimes when they’re like this you do wish you could just leave it all for 5 minutes! I suppose at least we know that one day it will all end!! #GlobalBlogging

  • Mackenzie Glanville

    Yep it is totally normal! I remember when Aspen was abby and after a struggle to get pregnant, miscarriages and high risk pregnancy I was so grateful to be a mummy and then I was exhausted and falling apart and crying and I felt so guilty, how could I be so ungrateful???? But the truth is exhaustion is horrible so of course we want to have some moments of sanity back. It’s OK to feel like that, hugs xx

  • Chilli Regina

    I totaly understand you. I don’t think there’s a mom out there who didn’t feel the same at least once in her motherhood time! But it’s just like you said, we’re good enough and that good enough!

  • Suchitra (@ThePhDMama)

    I hear ya, sister. Been there, still there many days. I have been working in a similar post myself so I totally get it. Being pregnant and managing an household is just tough. It just is. As I kept getting bigger, I transformed into this crazy person even I didn’t recognize. Oh well…#globalblogging

  • Shelby

    Ah we all have those days! Honestly it’s sometimes such a delicate balance. You can be consumed one minute but the second your LO smiles and reaches for you your heart is done. Parenting at it’s finest 🙂

  • The Mum Project

    I have definitely had one of these days, it’s so hard. I’ve had to go into work at 7am after a night where my son woke up every hour on the hour, my partner obviously helped me but when I sat down at my desk I had a mini breakdown and started crying. It is the worst but then I got home and he smiled and everything felt all the better. Sometimes we just need a break from them and we shouldn’t feel bad about it. Hope it’s all going better now! #GlobalBlogging

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