A little while ago a very dear and special friend made a passing comment that she never read my blog because she wasn’t a mom. As human nature would have it, I was a tad offended. However, once I was able to get over my self pity and think a little deeper into why she made that comment, I was sad for a different reason!
You see dear friend, I too know what it feels like to long for a baby. To watch as others are filled with an unspeakable joy whilst I sit in the background broken and hurting. I remember all too well all the Dr’s appointments, all the bills piling up, all the comments of “never going to fall pregnant”, PCOS, Endometriosis and all those blue lines that just never appeared…
I remember quiet comments about my weight gain, moodiness and why I was “pulling” away from social activities. What people didn’t realize was that all those hormones being pumped into my body affected every inch of me.
The thoughts of having to attend another baby shower or kids’ party was enough to send me over the edge. All those gorgeous drooling babies belonged to someone else. Not me! Sitting through a conversation about diapers, teething and sleepless nights, oh how badly I wanted to be able to participate.
My dear friend, I too got those sympathetic looks. Those small unsure smiles when people didn’t know what to say. Or the comments of “Be Patient”, “Your time will come”, “Stop stressing, it’s not healthy.”
But there is something I want you to know!
My family needs you! I need you! You see, you offer my children something I cannot. You don’t see the excitement in their eyes when their favorite and fun “aunt” comes over. The freedom they might feel to speak to you about things that they might not be comfortable sharing with me. The untainted fun they have horsing around with you. The cuddles and homemade drawings they eagerly wait to give you. The quiet moments when exhausted they fall asleep on your lap. The relationship they have with you is beautiful beyond words. It’s a relationship that I cannot give.
I know that it doesn’t take away your pain, I know it doesn’t fill your arms with your own little one, but please don’t remove yourself from us, let us share in your hurt, let us comfort you, for our family is yours, and we love you.
One Messy Mama