A little while ago a very dear and special friend with no kids, made a passing comment that she never read my blog because she wasn’t a mom. As human nature would have it, I was a tad offended. However, once I was able to get over my self-pity and think a little deeper into why she made that comment, I was sad for a different reason!
You see dear friend, I too know what it feels like to long for a baby. To watch as others are filled with an unspeakable joy whilst I sit in the background broken and hurting. I remember all too well all the Dr’s appointments, all the bills piling up, all the comments of “never going to fall pregnant“, PCOS, Endometriosis, and all those blue lines that just never appeared…
I remember quiet comments about my weight gain, moodiness, and why I was “pulling” away from social activities. What people didn’t realize was that all those hormones being pumped into my body affected every inch of me.
The thoughts of having to attend another baby shower or kids’ party were enough to send me over the edge. All those gorgeous drooling babies belonged to someone else. Not me! Sitting through a conversation about diapers, teething, and sleepless nights, oh how badly I wanted to be able to participate.
My dear friend, I too got those sympathetic looks. Those small unsure smiles when people didn’t know what to say. Or the comments of “Be Patient”, “Your time will come”, “Stop stressing, it’s not healthy.”
But there is something I want you to know!
My family needs you! I need you! You see, you offer my children something I cannot. You don’t see the excitement in their eyes when their favorite and fun “aunt” comes over. The freedom they might feel to speak to you about things that they might not be comfortable sharing with me. The untainted fun they have horsing around with you. The cuddles and homemade drawings they eagerly wait to give you. The quiet moments when exhausted they fall asleep on your lap. The relationship they have with you is beautiful beyond words. It’s a relationship that I cannot give.
I know that it doesn’t take away your pain, I know it doesn’t fill your arms with your own little one, but please don’t remove yourself from us, let us share in your hurt, let us comfort you, for our family is yours, and we love you.
That is a beautiful post, and I do hope your friend comes around, for all of your sakes.
Thank Lisa! She is an amazing person! x
Thank you Lisa! She is an amazing person! x
What a fantastic post! I’m one of the kidless, I can now enjoy being around everyone though the baby showers were rough for a few years.
Those Baby Showers can be rough!! So pleased to hear how you enjoy being around friends with kids… BTW – your little Lola is gorgeous! x
I’m back with #GlobalBlogging
Great insight. My sister isn’t married and doesn’t have kids, and she honestly tells me it’s too much sometimes. I respect that, whilst also feeling ‘sorry’ for her. What she doesn’t see is that I am also a tiny bit jealous. In the last 12 months she’s travelled to Vietnam, Dubai, and is currently touring Australia. A life I won’t be leading for a very long time.
I can totally understand that! What I would do for a holiday!!! :)
Beautifully worded and I hope your friend hears these words. #marvmondays
Thank you Jade, xx
She is lucky to have you. Such a sweet post lovely :)
You are too kind Kristin! She’s an amazing friend! We all need one, don’t we! :)
Beautiful and so true x
Thank you Amy! x
Lovely read, thanks for shating. You’re a great friend, it’s so hard to say anything not banal and positive at the same time. #globalblogging
It’s a difficult one, and I remember so clearly being in the same position. Those feelings of hurt are so difficult to deal with! x Thanks for the comment Eva ! :)
Great post, a very poignant and sensitive topic that should be spoken about. #GlobalBlogging
It should be spoken about shouldn’t it :) It’s so important to help each other through difficult times like this! x
‘Our family is yours’ – I couldn’t agree with that more. Lovely post xx #GlobalBlogging
I read this on another linky and I absolutely LOVED IT!
Such a beautiful post and really hope your friend can come around especially for your children thanks for hosting #globalblogging
Thanks Nigel! You’re welcome!! :)
Beautifully said. My child also has an aunt who does not (can not) have children and the undevided attention and time is a blessing. #globalblogging
It’s a welcome blessing isn’t it!! The relationship shared is beyond special!! Thanks for the comment Jeannette xxx
Your family’s bond with your friend sounds wonderful. I love being able to share my daughter with my friends who don’t have children. #globalblogging
There is nothing quite like it :) Too true! Sometimes I think they have much more fun too :)
Oh it’s so heartbreaking, but what a wonderful friend. I can totally understand both sides here and it’s such a difficult one. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo
She is one of the best. Thank you Kaye!
I can understand your friend. I hope you can continue to show her your understanding, too! It doesn’t sound like she wants to intentionally pull away from you and your family. #globalblogging
Absolutely! I remember all to well how alone I felt when I began to pull away from those closest to me… She is stuck with me though :) Thanks for reading!!
Another lovely post Jacqui. A subject that isn’t really addressed, but should well be…
So kind of you to say Nicole! Thank you! It sure is something we should talk about more!!
It’s so hard when things like this happen. I hope that although she finds it hard to read your blogs (and I can understand that) eventually she will take comfort in the fact she is a part of a family, yours x
Absolutely Helen!! She is an invaluable member of our family!! xxxx
This is so beautiful and I can absolutely relate. Although I am a Mummy of 5, people assume they came to us easily. We went through IVF and years of infertility, and I remember far too well how hard it was and how much it hurt. I hope that your friend finds comfort in your family. #GlobalBlogging
Thank you lovely! It’s a road that so many of us travel, we should be able to speak about our emotions, experiences and fears with each other. :)
Although I probably would not have been that into reading mom blogs until I had a kid. Now it’s like all I do. :)
Oh definitely! That’s why I said, once I had gotten over my own self pity and put myself in her shoes could I see her point of view. But it’s also nice to know your friends support and maybe sometimes read what you do :) .. I guess I can’t have it both ways now can I!? Thanks for the comment Stephanie!!
A beautiful fantastic post. I know what it’s like to be asked at every family gathering when are you going to have another baby and it was so hard when we were trying and it wasn’t happening. I didn’t know how to answer except to say one day we will.
Thank you Kelly!! I know people are excited to see couples fall pregnant, but sometimes keeping quiet with their comments is a better option. We never know what people are going through do we? :)
Lovely post :) #globalblogging
Thanks Tracey! xx
I think nearly everyone will know someone who this applies to. I personally will be sharing it with a few people. #anythinggoes
What a lovely, reflective post. Lots of this really resonates with me. Your friend is lucky to have you and I hope she reads this ‘open’ letter. xx #globalblogging
Yes! I love this. Sometimes the friend without kids is also mummy’s saviour to go out childless and revel in things you couldnt do with a kid in tow… like a hot drink, hot meal, chatting without interuptions! #globalblogging
I hope your friend reads this. #globalblogging
What a lovely post. I don’t have kids and I love reading parenting blogs. I think it’s different for me though because I don’t have kids by choice,
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes :)
A beautifully written post! Before my eldest son was born I suffered through 5 miscarriages so I can see both sides to this. I hope that your friend reads this and sees how much she is loved #MarvMondays
Thanks for popping over Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please
What a lovely, honest post. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky
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