I started my weight loss journey in November 2019. It was the month that I sat down and had a very stern conversation with myself. For so long I had put everything and everyone else before my own mental health. It was also the month I shut myself away from society. I spent 2 months barricaded in my own home. I didn’t have the strength to see or speak to another soul.
It was my breaking point. I had finally reached burn-out.
There were 3 things that I decided I had to work on to crawl out of this dark hole that I had trapped myself in.
1. Mental Disposition
For as long as I can remember, I have always been a person that overthinks everything. To the point that I am often left feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and like I have failed. I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed at all I do, it’s a characteristic that stems from always feeling like I have to prove myself to people. Last year I realized that I was just doing too much. Too much worrying, too much overthinking, and way too much being concerned about what other people thought of me.
One evening I sat in a heap crying ugly tears, you know those sobs that wrack your body, snot is flying everywhere, there’s a guttural groan escaping your mouth and you honestly can’t seem to control your emotions. I remember it so clearly. That everyone around me would be better off if I wasn’t here.
It was a pivotal moment for me, it was at that point that I realized that I had to either do something quick, or I was spiraling down a rabbit hole that I might never come out of.
It was time to stop.
2. Emotional Frame of Mind
It was hard but I had to acknowledge and take ownership of the part I played that lead me to this place. Once I was able to recognize and take responsibility for that, it was as if a light switch had gone on in some deeper part of my psyche. I could, for the first time in almost 2 years, see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I also had to look at the toxic relationships surrounding me and remove myself from those environments. This was pivotal in my emotional healing. For far too long I had spent an incredible amount of energy on these relationships and it exhausted me to the core. I was done. I still cannot find the words to describe what it feels like to just not give a sh*t anymore. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care, it just means that I will no longer allow them to have control over my thoughts, time, and emotions.
3. Physical Well-Being
Once I was in a healthy mental and emotional space, it became easier to start focusing on myself physically. I craved to get out and enjoy the fresh air again. I wanted my feet to hit the road and my body to sweat with physical exertion. I didn’t just want it, I obsessed about it.
I decided to reach out to a personal trainer that could help me with my weight loss, I didn’t know where to start. I was a little anxious about being vulnerable, and incredibly humiliated by how much weight I had gained but the hardest part was sitting in front of a stranger and admitting this. I waited for him to give me some kind of miracle diet or a supplement and a rigid exercise regime. To tell me how I hadn’t looked after myself and that I needed to jump right in.
Instead, he just listened.
When I finished, and I will never forget this, he replied, “I’m willing to help you, but it won’t work unless you are 100 % invested, you have nothing to prove to me, only to yourself” – and here I am 5 months later, 15kg’s down and feeling the best I have felt in years. My weight loss journey was a success.
Ricky taught me to become conscious of how I am treating my body. He gave me advice, and taught me how to understand my body and what it needed, but most importantly he supported me, believed in me, and held me accountable.
I would never have been able to get to where I am today without focusing on my mental, emotional and physical health. Accepting, acknowledging, and owning it all. You can’t do one without the other. I still have a way to go, but I’m ready.
My parting words of advice for you would be if you know that you are not OK, reach out, and ask for help. That’s the hardest part.
*disclaimer, this is not a sponsored post. I believe in the steps that I have taken to become a better version of myself, and I know that if you need a change like I did and you are ready for it.