Opening Up About My Pre-Natal Depression

From the moment we found out we were pregnant the negative thoughts began to roll in like a swelling ocean tide. Don’t get me wrong, I was over the moon and incredibly grateful that we were blessed with another pregnancy. However, the thought of having 5 children overwhelmed me… and, honestly, it still does! In my mind, I was barely coping with managing the 4 beautiful children that I already had. How on earth was I going to manage 5? 

It began with subtle changes in my mood and emotions. I wasn’t able to sleep at night and then spent most of my early mornings snoozing on the couch while my girls played all around me. I struggled to concentrate, was constantly irritable, cried almost daily, and even stopped venturing out of the house as much as I used to. Naturally, I thought this was due to being pregnant. All those raging hormones. Nothing more to worry about, right? 

It seemed as if I fell into a daily routine of just going through the motions in order to get the bare minimum done. And what made this slowly deepening depression all the more painful was the fact that it was a particularly difficult pregnancy – much more so than with the others. If someone stopped me and asked how I was doing, I would plaster on the biggest smile I could muster and simply say “I’m DONE” with a nervous giggle, and laugh about the joys of being pregnant. All while actually being terribly miserable.

My kids and husband annoyed me (it still hurts knowing that I felt this way towards them), and in all honesty, I just wanted to be left alone while I was trying to come to terms with unsettling feelings of guilt towards my unborn son.

Pregnancy is supposed to be the most joyous time. I should be taking countless photo’s, documenting every milestone reached. Why wasn’t I drowned in serotonin?

My poor husband taking it all in his stride, being ever so patient and kind turned to me one day and suggested I see someone. SEE SOMEONE? Me? I don’t need to see someone, I just needed to suck it up for a few more months. Well, that was my attitude. Not that it did me any good. I struggled through this dark period alone. Pre-natal depression dug its claws into me and held firm…

This post isn’t meant to offer advice or words of wisdom, it’s merely me openly owning the fact that I battled with depression during my pregnancy and if you find yourself in a similar position. Ask for help, I wish I had.

P.S. The moment my little man arrived, it was love at first sight. I could not imagine my life without him. 

With Love

One Messy Mama

x




30 Comments on “Opening Up About My Pre-Natal Depression”

  1. I definitely had more emotional grappling to do during my pregnancy than afterwards. It’s important for people to know about and look out for it during pregnancy too. Thanks for sharing! #globalblogging

  2. I totally understand your fears, and your exhaustion as I have 5 kids too. I didn’t have depression though and you have my sympathy for what you went through. xx
    #globalblogging

  3. Sent this post on it;s way in the hope it’ll find someone in a similar situation who needs some support and encouragement 🙂

  4. I didn’t even know you could get prenatal depression. And you managed to keep going writing your blog the whole time and running the linky and I had no idea. Hats off to you.. Thank you for writing this post and helping other people. Sometimes one of the worst things about a problem can be feeling you are the only one. I bet you have helped so many people already. #GlobalBlogging

  5. I think it’s brave to share your feelings. Hopefully, another mom will be helped. I’m sorry it was hard for you.

    #globalblogging

  6. I saw your post earlier, but only now had the time to read it. Ha! I felt the same when I was pregnant with my second. I definitely suffered pre-natal depression, I even googled it (yes I know good old dr google) and I was shocked how little information is available on the inter web. #globalblogging

  7. we so often try to cope with all these feelings ourselves and don’t seek the help we need. You have nothing to feel guilty about, I am sure your family knew how much you loved them even through that very hard time. So happy to hear you fell in love quickly with your son. There are many times with 3 children I feel overwhelmed, so i am sure with 5 you have those moments, always remember you’re not alone. And congrats of 5 beautiful children xx #GlobalBlogging
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…meet our baby bunnies #livingfearlesslyauthenticMy Profile

  8. I’m
    So happy you are feeling better now, well done for being so honest and sharing a tough subject great post thanks for hosting #globalblogging

  9. So sorry that you went through that. I had the same thing whilst pregnant with my second. It lasted much longer though, until she was almost one. Heartbreaking for the whole family, but most of all you for the added guilt you feel.
    Welcome home!
    #globalblogging

  10. I am a mom of three & I never enjoyed the pregnancy glow…no-for me it was more like the pregnancy sweats! I gained a crap ton of weight with each child because I ate my feelings & I had a lot of feelings…For example, with my first (who is now 16😱) I gained around 80 pounds! Yeah-not a typo-Eighty Pounds!!!
    I looked like a weird combination of Shrek & Fat Bastard.
    Hated it. So. Much. But I also loved my little girl so much that I did it all over again! And again!!!
    #globalblogging

  11. I’m sorry you had to struggle through that, pre-natal depression is so rarely talked about so well done for having the courage to speak up and raise awareness. I’m glad you’re feeling yourself again x
    #GlobalBlogging

  12. Such an honest brave post. I think it’s so hard for anyone to open up about any mental health, but also so important to raise awareness that so many people are effected and it’s good to talk. I can’t imagine how you manage with 5, but so wonderful to hear of the birth of your new little one, and amazing to hear how you felt when he arrived into the world. #globalblogging

  13. Jacqui it is so tough to admit that pregnancy is not joyous. I hated both my pregnancies and how they made me feel but similarly as soon as my children entered this world it was love at first sight and the cloud lifted. Pregnancy like the menopause does strange things to our bodies and minds. I am glad that the birth went well and that you have a gorgeous son, he is adorable. #globalblogging

  14. I always find it so brave and strong to share when we feel most vulnerable. Bravo Jacqui! I am sorry you had to feel this way, but think of how many women who read this that you will have helped. Mazel Tov on the little boy and for sharing your feelings as you grew your family! 5! OMG! Wowowowow #globalblogging

  15. Well done for writing this lovely. It’s so important to raise awareness and everyone’s stories make a difference. I think pre-natal depression is more common than we think. Sending you love. #GlobalBlogging

  16. Having suffered with Depression since I was 13, it was a surprise to discover that ante-natal depression existed. I had been so worried about post-natal depression that I didn’t even think that I’d get depressed whilst pregnant. It was horrible as I had this baby growing in me like I had been wanting all my life yet I hated the world and wanted to hurt my husband for leaving things on the floor so id fall over as I couldn’t see them with my bump. There needs to be more talk about ante-natal depression definitely! #globalblogging

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