I’m all Grown Now

      20 Comments on I’m all Grown Now

Grown (1)Today is a big day for me… Both my boys have birthdays this week, they turn 5 & 6. It’s days like these that make me think about how they have grown. I look back on all their achievements, all they have accomplished, my heart beats big thuds of pride and I get a little teary when I think that their “baby days” are gone. It’s a big thing when a Mama realizes her little boys are growing into little men!

So this morning I dropped my eldest (who turns 6 tomorrow) off at school. I stop the car, we get out and start walking. I take his hand and hold it firmly in mine, as I usually do, and we continue on our way. After a few steps he lets go and walks ahead. I call out to him and say, “Don’t you want to hold my hand?”. His reply… “I’m okay, thanks mom.” I’m stunned, so I ask him straight up, “are you getting  a little too big  to hold my hand?” He looks back at me, smiles, and says: “mmhmm”.

And there it is… My first and eldest baby, is not that anymore!

He may not be a baby anymore, but he’ll always be my baby. so I give his shoulder a squeeze and say to him… “You will always be my baby.”

Wow, what an emotional morning! The realization that this beautiful child of mine is growing up struck me with the kind of force that tends to leave us a little breathless. Why does time fly by like this? Why is it that, in moments like these, we are stopped in our tracks with memories and emotions that overwhelm us and threaten to take over? Well, I guess that this is how it should be. The love we have for our children encompasses every fibre of our being.

But this was a big one for me. The reality being that I stood there knowing that I wont always be there to protect him. I wont always have that “control” over his decisions (as we do when they are young). I wont always be able to hold his hand…

In that moment I made a silent promise to him. To my sweet (not so little) boy. I promise to be the best mom I can be for you. I promise to always listen, try to understand, and to uplift you. When troubles come, and you feel disheartened, I promise to be there even if in silence. I will share all your joys with you, I will be your biggest cheerleader. I will nurture, discipline, love and cherish you.  I will always wipe away your tears. I will defend you with all my might. I will always have your back! Even as you grow and at times need to have some distance from me, you better know that I will wait patiently for you to let me in. I will always be honest with you. I know there will be times when I will fail, disappoint and maybe even anger you, and I apologize for that now, but everything I do will have one single root cause… my love for you!

As we walk this future road together, please know that I am walking next to you every step of the way. And yes my boy, I will be holding your hand, I will forever hold your hand.

I bent down kissed him goodbye, cherishing that little moment of him being my baby!

With love

One Messy Mama

x

20 thoughts on “I’m all Grown Now

  1. laura dove

    Aww this is so lovely! My youngest two children are 2 and 3 this week, just a year and four days apart. I understand how emotional it is to see them grow, my eldest is now 12 and that just blows my mind that he is no longer a baby! Big week of celebrations for you though, and us too! On the plus side, they get to have a joint party each year! Woohoo! #ABrandNewDay

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  2. karen

    Big hugs.. he may have left your hand today, but I think he’ll come back for hugs for a little while longer. 2 birthdays in a week, that is impressive. Enjoy them while they are young is always said, but alas it’s true. K thanks for linking to #abrandnewday

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  3. Jenny | Jenny on a Plate

    Aww it must be a strange feeling to know they’re growing and becoming more independent, but those are some lovely affirmations you have made there to always look out for your little/big man! I’m sure as he grows, he will cherish the support of his loving mum x #KCACOLS

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  4. Agent Spitback

    Aw..Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous…*wiping a tear away* That moment you realise they don’t need you to hold their hand is such a bittersweet one. You are so proud that they are now independent yet you are sad that the baby years are far behind. I loved what you written to your boy – we will always be with them, every step of the way. #bigpinklink

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  5. The Unsung Mum

    This is what scares me too. Mine are only 3 and 1 but The Kid is still trying to do things independently and The Baby just wants to copy her big sister. Not looking forward to school at all. Loves this! Really brought a tear to my eye! #KCACOLS

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  6. Debbie

    Hi Jacqui, it’s a sad time and then you get used to the change and then it happens all over again! Over the passed twelve months I’ve watched as my 16 year old daughter has started to transform from a girl into a confident young woman. It makes me feel old, but proud at the same time. And as parents we are never too far away, always there, just in case.

    I hope your boys had fab birthdays.

    #BigPinkLink

    xx
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