Admitting it, is hard!

      21 Comments on Admitting it, is hard!

HardSitting here… trying to think of something to write… (cue crickets chirping!) I am at a complete loss for words, without inspiration, I have absolutely no energy, or enthusiasm to put words to paper.

I remember when I started this blog 5 months ago, I promised myself I would always “say it like it is”, be honest with my readers, open myself up and write. Well… As I’ve gotten more into this “blogging thing”, and realized how many people actually read what you write, I’ve found myself closing up. Not wanting to write about how I feel all the time.ย Embarrassed to have people look at me and remark… “shame, poor Jacqui, she really isn’t coping, is she?”

I remember, when I was still teaching, all I wanted to do was be at home with my kids. It killed me to leave them everyday. Not being able to “raise” them myself. It was my dream to be THAT mom who was always there, at every school function, play, dress rehearsal, reading class, drop off, pick up. ETC, ETC! And I always thought that I was doing my children a grave injustice by not always physically being there.

Now… hell, I would sometimes give my left foot just to get dressed up and feel professional for a bit! To know that I am taken seriously, respected and that I actually have some intellectual value to add to a work-environment! How can I feel this way? I WANTED to be at home, and now I just don’t know if I am “cut” out for it. Am I making my children’s lives a living misery? Am I doing more harm than good?! I’m ranting about my kids? How wrong does that feel? I should be grateful for being able to be at home! But right now, they are driving me NUTS!

This week has been a week from hell! Firstly, I am not feeling well – and that compounds EVERYTHING! My kids seem to be impatient with each other, bickering, fighting and screaming ALL DAY LONG! I have no patience, they have no patience, throw a teething toddler into the mix, ย a preschooler that is refusing to go to ballet, eat her food, sleep on her own, an increasingly full diary (it should be summer with NO plans), and you have a witch of a mother on your hands!

And you know what, all I want to do is scream!

SCREAM

THIS IS FREAKING HARD SOMETIMES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the next time you see me, give me a thumbs up, smile and pretend you NEVER read this… I’m sure next week will go better.. RIGHT?

With Love

One Messy Mama

x

 

21 thoughts on “Admitting it, is hard!

  1. Katy

    One day at a time! And I always want to be home when I’m at work, and at work when I’m home with my kids.

    Thanks for keeping it real.

  2. themotherhubblog

    It is difficult to admit it’s hard, but once you do, you find other people feel the same. I’m constantly moaning about how hard everything is. I’m so fun. Next week will be better, I just know it #brilliantblogposts

  3. Debbie

    There can’t be one Mum who can’t relate to what you’ve written. We feel damned if we do and we feel damned if we don’t. Climb up high (somewhere safe of course) and have a good bellow. That usually helps, but failing that crawl under the bed and don’t emerge until all is quiet and calm again… Don’t whatever you do, let the children see you crawl there.

    Hope next week is better for you.

    xx

  4. Kirsty

    I have good days and bad days. On a bad day I genuinely don’t know how I make it through the day but you just find the strength to get through. I think that’s what being a mum has taught me. Just make sure you cherish the good days #fortheloveofBLOG

  5. jade

    I wont pretend I haven’t read this, I think its a fab post, the honest ones are the best ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel the same lots of the time I think the bad days are the same as good but on the bad days I am just not as kind to myself! You sound like an amazing mummy! I feel guilty at home and guilty at work..not good enough in either..but that’s me putting that on myself. Big love you you #fortheloveofblog

    1. jaxbest4 Post author

      It definitely it good to let out some steam every now and then. And you are right. I did get 5 minutes to write this post. Lucky me. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thank you for visiting..

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